Love.

This is going to sound like a complete cliche but love is a funny thing. It is something that no one understands and everyone yearns to have. My parents have been married for over thirty years and I bet even they would not be able to put love into concrete terms.

How do you know when you are in love? Is it that feeling of butterflies in your stomach every time you know you are going to see that special someone? Does every love song remind you of a certain someone? Does that person make you smile just by walking into the room?

It is such a complicated thing. There are so many answers to such a simple question. People answer it in so many different ways. It seems as though there is not one concrete definition. Sure there is the dictionary definition of "love." I am an English nerd though. The dictionary is not always enough. I admit it is one of my favorite resources and I refer to it constantly. I need to apply what I read to the real world and it seems damn near impossible somedays.

I see how Hollywood portrays love and, in my mind, it is completely unrealistic. People do not fall in love over a few months and decide they want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. It does not happen. If it does I am willing to bet my life that they get divorced soon after because they rushed into a marriage with a stranger. Call me cynical if you want but that would be a lie. I am a hopeless romantic trying to seek the truth to an almost foreign concept.

I have been in love before. Well, at the time I thought I was in love. I do believe that it is true that you will always care for your first love. Despite the hell that he put me through, Jeff was my first love. I know he is not a very good person. Yet I still want the best for him. I always pray that he gets his shit together and that his life will turn out okay. He is a very smart guy who wasted his intelligence on beating the system.

I love my family with all of my heart. I will always say that because it will always be true. They are always there for me. I can always turn to them when I need advice. I always have a shoulder to cry on. I always have someone to go shopping with because I need to relax before I stress out. I almost always have a home cooked meal waiting for me when I come home.

I do not tell them often enough how much I love them. Sure I say it sometimes. I am bad at showing emotion. I do not use the Love word a lot with anyone. It sounds funny to me. It sounds weird coming out of my mouth. It is as though I am emotionally detatched. I blame my father. This is the man who shows pratically no emotion. When he does it means a lot. Sure, now I get sappy.

The first time I saw him cry was at my grandpa's funeral. My grandpa was my mom's dad. To make a long story short my grandpa was more of a father than my dad's dad ever was. To see him cry, along with my grown cousins and uncles, really got to me. Seeing a grown man cry is never easy. Especially when you know they are genuine feelings and it is not a man just being a sap.

Well I have to stop this now because now I am crying thinking about it.
Good night all.