Great. Just great.

Why does life have to be so complicated? As soon as I think I get it figured out it seems to blow up in my face.
I was living the perfect drama free life. I was having fun with my friends. I was hanging out and getting along with everyone. I reconnected with a guy friend of mine with whom I stopped talking to for awhile. We stopped talking because there was some drama that needed to be sorted out. And of course that blew up on my face.
This guy friend has a little bit of history with a girlfriend of mine. They used to hang out and what not. Well it ended badly and she does not want anything to do with him. He thought that because it was so long since everything happened that they were cool again. Who knew that she could carry such a grudge?
Well she told me yesterday that she does not have time in her life for people who are disloyal and weak. She said I am disloyal because I wanted to be friends with her AND him. I wanted both of them in my lives. I was not hiding it from her. It never came up in conversation. I did not think it was that big of a deal. Okay so their relationship did not work out. It is not like I was trying to hurt her. I did not decide to be friends with him out of spite. I honestly wanted to be friends with both of them.
I understand where she is coming from kind of. He has not always been the nicest to me. He only hangs out with me when it is good for him. He is terrible at answering his phone. But my relationship with him should NOT affect my relationship with her. They are separate. We are not all in a relationship together. I have been thinking about this A LOT. Yeah I am not going to be messaging him. I am going to leave him alone and hope that he returns. They say that if you let something go and it comes back it is yours. If we are meant to be friends then he will come back around on his own time.
It breaks my heart a little that after all of this I lost two friends. I knew that eventually I would have to let him go. I knew that I was going to have to get over that fact that we would never work. Maybe talking to her was just the wake up call that I needed. I can only hope and pray that SHE comes back around. I can only hope that she forgives me I guess for being a terrible friend. Well at least she thinks I am a terrible friend.
This really sucks.

I'm back!

Sorry I left the blogging scene for quite some time. I have not felt inspired to write. Why would I write if I am just going to write nonsense? I want to write things that I feel are worth reading. I jotted down a blog during Economics class but of course I could not find it.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. My love life in particular. It is such a mess right now. Why can't I just find a good guy? I know all the reasons. HE will be there when you are ready. He will find you when you are not looking. Maybe it is not a good time for you to be in a relationship. You should spend some time being single. Screw that! I do not want to be single. I am sick of being single.

A few weeks ago my family spent the night at this lodge up north. It was sort of our Christmas party. Well because I was the only adult without a significant other, I got to sleep in my grandma's room. I mean it wasn't bad. It was fun actually but still. I felt like a child. I try to put on a happy face for everyone. I smile more than most but I am lonely. I do not even enjoy my own company these days. That was something I used to always thrive on. I used to always enjoy spending time alone. Lately I hate the thought of being alone.

I am 24. I am not getting any younger.
I do not want your sympathy. I do not need hugs. I just miss having that one person that I knew I could always count on to be there when I needed to talk. I miss that companionship. Please do not call or text me and ask if I am okay. I will probably lie anyway. I just need time to sort this out in my head. I need to get comfortable with being by myself again. Heaven knows I could be this way for a long time.
Please do not message me. I am not asking for anyone's sympathy. I just needed to vent. I will be okay. For now I just need figure out this thing called life. Well at least I need to figure out where I stand in my relationship with me. But do not worry about me okay? I am strong.