Control

God is amazing. He never ceases to amaze me in what he does. He has created so many beautiful things in this world. Look at the flower below. It is beautiful. When I first saw it, I knew I had to take a picture of it. It is so intricate. It is breath taking.

I went to church with the some friends the other day and the message really got to me. At one point the priest said, "You have to allow the spirit control in your life." I know I have an issue with control. I know that I like to think that I

am in control of my life. I did not know where this stemmed from until recently.

It came from an ex boyfriend. When I was with him, I had no control. I would show up late for work and school. I was poor because I practically signed my checks over to him. My credit card debt was through the roof. He had all of the control. It was not until I broke up with him that I gained control.

Even in the after mass he managed to steal what little control he could from me. As hard as I tried to ignore his phone calls, I returned one. I returned a call after he told me he was going to commit suicide. He did not answer but retur

ned the call saying that he was in the bathroom. However it was me that obtained all the control

in the end. I changed my phone number so he was not able to call me. My manager talked to h

im for me when he came into my work demanding money. I ripped up the letter he left me and threw it in the trash. I was broken hearted at the words he said to me but in time all is healed.

From that moment on I have been obsessed with controlling my life. I panic when things do not go according to plan. I cry, I freak out, I yell, and I scream. It is scary. I get into a zone and I cannot stop myself.

I need to allow God in. I need to allow him some control in my life. As crazy as my world is he needs to wash over me and his deeds will be done. I will follow his will until the day I die. All I need to do is allow him some control. That is not as easy as it seems.