20 minutes for me.

Someday I want to write a masterpiece. I want to win awards. I want it to be a best seller. Until that day, I write. I type. This is my own world and no one can control anything I say in here. 20 minutes I will continue to type non-stop. I have to fix typos because I am too anal to leave them there for the world to see how bad of a typist I am. Most days I cannot go a minute without making a typo or two. I know I go on and on about memories. I think it is because I cherish all the ones I have made over the years. The memories I have made make me the person I am today. I can remember the most random combination of numbers but there are days when I cannot remember what I did the day before. Call me old fashioned but I still use a planner. I write down dates, work schedule, homework, etc. I write it. I do not use one of those fancy electronic planners. I write. In a planner. I purchase one every year and keep it in my purse. Weird? Maybe. For me it is the most convenient thing to do. And though I am pretty good at writing (or so I am told) there are always those certain words that I get hung up on. I always have think twice about how to spell certain words. Often times I have a harder time than normal expressing myself. Not a lot of people see this. My mom, dad and sister do. My best friend does. My closest friends probably do. I think my boyfriend does. My mom heard about a disorder on television relating to this. I do not know the exact term but it seemed like me. I seemed to have all of the symptoms. I almost want to ask my doctor about it. I just wish I could remember the name. My parents often think that I just do not want to do something. In all honesty, I think I have the memory of an Alzheimer's adult sometime. It is sickening how many things I forget over the span of just a week. I have to make sure that everything is always put in the same spot or I will not be able to find it. I have to be a creature of habit or my world will fall apart. My keys remain clipped to my purse when I am not using them. My shoes land wherever I take them off last. Since I normally take them off by the door, the are simple to find. Those habits make daily life that much easier to live. Then sometimes I get stuck in a rut. I will eat the same thing for about a month straight then realize that is all I have been eating and will not know what else to eat. It almost sounds like autism but I am pretty sure I am not autistic. I mean they would have detected that years ago. It is more like I am obsessive compulsive. While I have never been officially ( a word that for whatever reason took me three attempts to spell) diagnosed I often act like someone who is OCD. The older I get, the more anal retentive I get. It all goes back to making sure I am organized. It all goes back even to making sure I remember the important things in life. Well I think that was 20 minutes. I forgot to look at the timer this time. I will try to type some more tomorrow. And in 20 minutes you never know what will come out of my head. I cannot control what comes out of these fingers as I type. Hell, most of the time I cannot control what comes out of my mouth.