Love cont.

I apologize for my blog yesterday. I had a really good post planned on in my head. However when I begin to think of my grandpa it still gets to me. He was the best grandpa in the world. He loved all his grandkids, even if he was tougher on the boys than he was on the girls.

As far as what love is, the Bible defines it the best. "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. " 1 Corinthians 13 This is the shortened version. I encourage anyone to look it up if they have questions on what love is.

I measure all of my relationships to this standard. If there is any part of the relationshop that does not match up I know it is not going to work. This verse is beautiful.

I found at a very young age that the Bible is a good book to live by. There is a lot of beautiful writings in that book. I have yet to discover half of the wonders of the Bible.

I feel as though I should be able to navigate the Bible easier than I can. It is a book that I have read through all my life.

This one book is my foundation. It is a book that will never expire. It is a book that is constantly being researched. New things are constantly discovered about Jesus.
I have a cousin who insists that the Bible should be placed in the fiction section of a book store/library. She insisted that there is no proof that the events in the Bible ever occured. Friends of mine attacked her. There has been proof that Jesus walked the Earth. There is geological proof of where he lived being that the places are still around today.

I am sorry I got off of track.

To sum up my feelings in love I rely on the Bible to define it for me. The most solid foundation of a relationship is a relationship based around Christ. To base a relationship on 1 Corinthians 13 makes for a solid relationship. It is a relationship that will last.

I have never based my relationships around sex. I will get to know someone well enough to trust them before I will even begin to think about taking that step.

Sex is very important to me. I do not take it lightly. I admit I enjoy that special connection with someone but it has to be someone that is special to me. To me, sex is someone that two people who care about each other care.

I do not expect everyone to agree with me. I do not expect everyone to follow the same guidelines I do when it comes to defining love. However I do expect the person I am in a relationship to understand where I am coming from. I expect him to always be on the same page with me. I expect us to be in sync with each others feelings.

Love.

This is going to sound like a complete cliche but love is a funny thing. It is something that no one understands and everyone yearns to have. My parents have been married for over thirty years and I bet even they would not be able to put love into concrete terms.

How do you know when you are in love? Is it that feeling of butterflies in your stomach every time you know you are going to see that special someone? Does every love song remind you of a certain someone? Does that person make you smile just by walking into the room?

It is such a complicated thing. There are so many answers to such a simple question. People answer it in so many different ways. It seems as though there is not one concrete definition. Sure there is the dictionary definition of "love." I am an English nerd though. The dictionary is not always enough. I admit it is one of my favorite resources and I refer to it constantly. I need to apply what I read to the real world and it seems damn near impossible somedays.

I see how Hollywood portrays love and, in my mind, it is completely unrealistic. People do not fall in love over a few months and decide they want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. It does not happen. If it does I am willing to bet my life that they get divorced soon after because they rushed into a marriage with a stranger. Call me cynical if you want but that would be a lie. I am a hopeless romantic trying to seek the truth to an almost foreign concept.

I have been in love before. Well, at the time I thought I was in love. I do believe that it is true that you will always care for your first love. Despite the hell that he put me through, Jeff was my first love. I know he is not a very good person. Yet I still want the best for him. I always pray that he gets his shit together and that his life will turn out okay. He is a very smart guy who wasted his intelligence on beating the system.

I love my family with all of my heart. I will always say that because it will always be true. They are always there for me. I can always turn to them when I need advice. I always have a shoulder to cry on. I always have someone to go shopping with because I need to relax before I stress out. I almost always have a home cooked meal waiting for me when I come home.

I do not tell them often enough how much I love them. Sure I say it sometimes. I am bad at showing emotion. I do not use the Love word a lot with anyone. It sounds funny to me. It sounds weird coming out of my mouth. It is as though I am emotionally detatched. I blame my father. This is the man who shows pratically no emotion. When he does it means a lot. Sure, now I get sappy.

The first time I saw him cry was at my grandpa's funeral. My grandpa was my mom's dad. To make a long story short my grandpa was more of a father than my dad's dad ever was. To see him cry, along with my grown cousins and uncles, really got to me. Seeing a grown man cry is never easy. Especially when you know they are genuine feelings and it is not a man just being a sap.

Well I have to stop this now because now I am crying thinking about it.
Good night all.

I am a nerd...

And so what? I am proud of it.

I love writing papers. I love researching. I love composing something so wonderful and receiving a good mark on it. I do not put a lot of effort into the papers that I write. I can have a normal paper written in a days time. I am not trying to brag. I am just stating the facts.

I love proofreading. I love reading what other people have to say. This helps me to see something through a different set of eyes. Everyone has an opinion and I love sharing mine with others. I love hearing others opinions of how the world works.

I cannot be closed minded. I will listen to what anyone has to say. I will read any paper that is sent my way. I am critical when I read someone else's work. I will nit pick anything and everything. I try not to be a snob but it is hard. I want to be as critical of other's essays as they would be of mine.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I struggle sometimes with essays if I get really stuck. I have turned in essays that I thought were worthy of a C at the highest and managed to score an A-. I am not bragging. Once again I am just stating the facts.

I am always looking up information online. If I do not know something I cannot rest until I do. I am constantly learning. People are constantly giving me new information to add into my head. I am like a sponge and soak up any knowledge that comes my way. Learning never gets boring for me. It is when I feel as though I have learned everything that I get restless.

This is where work comes into play. It is not fun anymore. I am at the point in my fast food life style that I have soaked up as much information as I can. I know as much as I can about Wendy's as I can without becoming a manager.

Call me a nerd. Call me a dork.

I am witty. I am intelligent. You may think I am a snob. You may think I am conceited. At times you may think I am all holier than now. I am just confident. I know what I am good at and take pride in my works. I take pride in everything I write. I take pride in learning new information. I take pride in debating. I take pride in forming valid opinions. I will admit if I do not know something. However, if I do not know it, you better bet I am going to be looking up the information online as soon as I get on my computer next.

Why?

That is just the kind of girl I am.
Take me or leave me.

Hate.

Whoa! My last post was number 100. If I had realized such I would have attempted to make it more memorable.

Hate. This is such a strong word, yet, it is thrown around so often. It is tossed around back and forth. This is possibly one of the strongest words in the American language. To hate someone or something takes way too much energy. Why waste time hating someone when you can be civil?

There is ONE person I can say that I honestly hate. ONE person who it is not worth ever trying to like again. This is someone that I do not waste energy on because I know I will never see him again in my life. If I do see him again I think I would either want to punch him in the face or throw up. That is my ex, Jeff. I have forgiven him in my heart for all that he put me through. I pray for him on a weekly basis. Yes, I pray for my enemies. Is that so bad? Yes I hate this one person in the world but can you blame me? He put me through HELL!!! I know that relationships are two way streets and they take two people to fail. This is USUALLY the case. My fault in my relationship with Jeff was I spent too much time trying to get him to confess.

I hate some things. I hate some foods. I cannot help it, I am a picky eater. I am not sure if saying I hate Wendy's or I hate pork chops is the same thing. Does it have the same effect? Does it mean the same thing to say I hate working all weekend as it does to say I hate a person? Does it have the same effect? Work does stress me out. It stresses me out a lot. Working all weekend really gets to me. I guess it does. It does take energy. It does have a negative effect on my spirit. It also closes my periferal (sorry if that is spelt wrong) vision to the world. It causes me closed minded. I recently became a lot more open minded about the foods that I eat. I came to the realization that there are a lot of foods that I always said I hated but never really tried. I would say I hated them when I was younger because they did not look appetizing. I also did not realize how intense that one word is.

Let me plan something for you.

It is gorgeous out! The skies are perfect. The temperature is perfect. Overall I would conclude that today's weather is perfect! I want to just be outside all day riding my bike all over metro Detroit.

But I can't. It is laundry day. I can go out for an hour at a time but I have to make sure that I get home in time to switch a load around. I also went to spend the day reading. I want to get sucked up into the world of Harry Potter and his crazy adventures at Hogwarts.

I could read those books over and over and over and never get sick of them. I always discover something new that I did not catch onto before. I do not know why but...

**Thought break in order to take an important phone call.**

I should be a party or event planner. I could do it. I am very organized even if my mind is quite spastic. I am able to get track of dates, call place after place to make reservations, send of invitations and all of that good stuff. I could be a wedding planner. It would take ease off of the bride and I would take the stress for her.

There are so many different careers that I would be terrific at. There are so many paths that I could follow.

Ultimately the one I choose to follow has two careers. When all is said and done I want to be able to work for myself. This is why, when I finally get a job in teaching, I am going to continue going to school. I am going to take some business classes and I am going to take some culinary classes. I want to open a bakery. I love baking too much to give it up and not make money from it. I could be amazing at it. I know I could.

I am going to open a local bakery that I allow my students to work in. I am going to have to have a manager who is trained in working with people of special needs. They will be allowed to work there for three years or so. They will be required to take a one year class so they know the basics before they are allowed to work.

This plan will give them experience that they need. It will also open up more job opportunities for people who may not have been given a chance to work in a harsh world. It will put more money in the economy because more people will be working.

I am going to have a regular staff of people that will have to be compassionate and understanding. They are going to have to understad that there will be people of special needs coming in and working for up to three years or so.

Of course the specifics are not all put in place. I am thinking it is going to be a branch of a school district but it will essentially be its own. I have time to figure out the logistics but I think this is one of my best ideas. I cannot stop thinking about it. This is all I think about these days and I honestly believe that God put this idea in my head.

He thought that if anyone needed something more to plan it was me.

I am a good planner. I am a good organizer.

Smart Phones

I admit. I have one. I also admit that I rely on it too much. It does everything for me. I check my social networking site. I keep an eye on emails. I track my hours at work. I watch the calories in every food that I eat. It is not neccesarily a good thing.

When my phone breaks I do not know what to do with myself. I only have a few phone numbers memorized. I do not need to know them when I can easily store them in my phone with the push of a few buttons. I do not dial and numbers. With a press of a few buttons I can pull up any number that I need.

There are phone numbers in there that I never asked for. My phone is linked up with the popular social networking site. Anyone who left their numbers for public knowledge gave permission for me to have their number for any particular reason.

What did we do before computers? How did I get in touch with people before text messaging? I rarely call people. I do not like calling people. I keep conversations as short as possible when I need to make a call. My friends laugh when I will call, ask a question and then hang up without a good bye. It is not to be rude. It may come off as rude. However I say what I need to say then move on with my day.

I do not leave voicemails, with the exception for my mom and dad. I hate checking voicemail. This probably sounds lazy but it is too much work. A lot of my friends will send a text message right after they call if I do not answer. I do the same thing. It is easier. It is less work to say what needs to be said. Also, I am not sure about other phone companies, but checking voicemail messages actually costs minutes. While it should be free to retrieve a message that is left on my phone it isn't.

With this being said technology is making us lazy. We do not even have to go to the store to rent movies. It can be done with the click of a mouse or even with a few pushes on the buttons of the remote. Ordering pizza is the same way. We do not even have to leave our houses to order. We do not have to pick up the phone. A lot of places allow for pizza to be ordered over the internet. It is crazy!

Technology is good. Scientists have come a long way with the latest technologies. There is always something new coming out. It is hard to keep up. My laptop is only four years old but is already considered ancient. It has been ancient for two years now. I cannot keep up with that latest fads but I can always try.

It is not good though. A lot of Americans are obese or overweight. We wonder why. How could it be that we have all gained so much weight! It could not possibly have anything to do with how easy it is to sit home and order three extra large pizzas with extra cheese and movies to last all night. The most exercise some people do is walking from the chair into the bathroom.

Rent

The tale is not exactly something I am able to relate to. I have never lived in New York. I have never done drugs. I have never had a AIDS or any STDs. I have never been poor to the point of being evicted.

However it is one of my favorite movies of all time. It gives me hope. First of all it shows that no matter how life can be, it can always get worse. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It shows that the really bad days make the good days that much better.

I cherish every good day that I have. Everyone has a bad day now and then. It is life. With every death we have to suffer, we get that much stronger.

The main theme of Rent is "No day but today." Live life in the present. Do not dwell on the past or stress about the future. Live life as it comes. This seems to be a good philosophy to live by. I try to live by it but of course it does not always work. I always want to think ahead of time in order to make sure my life is on the right track.

I try not to dwell on the past. What good is it? I write about my past to reflect. I am a much stronger person now that I was in high school. I am much more confident in myself and it shows. I may be shy when I am surrounded by unfamiliar people. I assess every new group to determine how I am going to fit in.

I adapt to my surroundings. I am sort of a social chameleon. I have the ability to relate to pratically any group of people. This may sound like I am bragging. It may even seem as though I am stretching the truth. This is not the case.

I would be able to adapt to the life of the people in the movie Rent. I envy them. They moved to New York with dreams and desires. They live their lives in the moment and do not worry about the future. There is no day but today. Their lives are tough. They suffer and do not have time for food all the time. In order to keep warm, one of the apartments has a garbage can that is used as a faux fire.

This is a world that I have never experienced. It is a world that I dream about visiting and adapting to. Yes, I dream of adapting to living in a life of limited food, heat, etc. It would make me even more appreciative of how fortunate I am to know that I always have a home and bed to return to after a long day.