God turning someone straight?

I found myself very puzzled yesterday. There is this guy at one of the Bible studies that I attend that I cannot seem to figure out. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. A lot of times I am more trusting than I should be and give people way too many chances. I am optimistic to a fault. This guy, who we will refer to as one, just boggles my mind. I cannot seem to put my finger on why I do not trust him. It takes a lot for me to not trust someone. It bugs me that I cannot figure him out. A friend of mine was telling me a little bit of his history. One used to be a party guy. He used to do drugs and I think drink alcohol. My friend said he was gay but when he found God, God made him straight. And there it was! This is what I could not put my finger on. I know God can do anything. I know he can work miracles. I have been a Christian my whole life. However, if one was happy being gay why would God change him? My church is very traditional but, in general, very liberal. We are accepting to everyone. We do not pass judgement because we know that is not our job. I try to not pass judgement but I am not perfect. Of course sometimes I slip up. Sometimes I sin but that is okay! God loves me enough to forgive me. I have never had a problem with someone being homosexual. I know it is a sin. I also know that God forgives sins. He forgives mine and he forgives theirs. I am struggling with this. I cannot figure out why God would decide to make someone straight. I have been thinking hard about this and, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make sense of it. I am a hopeless romantic. I believe that you cannot help who you love. I believe that in this world there is that one perfect person for you. I believe in that gushy true love that is in chick flicks. I prayed about this last night asking God why he would just make someone straight. I am seeking an answer because nothing in my breadth of knowledge makes sense. Perhaps someone else can make sense of this? The only thing that makes sense is that God knew one was not happy. He knew that one was seeking something else. He knew that one could have a better and happier life. He knew that one's party life was contributed by his unhappiness. He also knew that by turning him away from homosexuality he would be able to lead a better life. I guess this makes sense.

Songs form bonds? Yea, I think so.

Here is the thing about boy bands. When you like them once, you will like them always. There is something about hearing Backstreet Boys, Hanson, and NSYNC that makes everything better. I always dreamed that I would marry a member from each band one day. Of course it would never happy but it doesn't hurt to dream. Last year I went to go see Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block. My sister was familiar with NKOTB because she listened to them when they came out the first time. She was also familiar with BSB. We sang along on the top of our lungs. I have no shame singing along. These songs can help me get out of the worse mood. They were my first love and that is not weird. They helped me find self confidence when I needed it the most. They helped me form friendships and bonds that will never be broken. They have a spot in my heart. They fill a void that no one will ever be able to. I hope to one day find a man that can make me feel that way. I hope there is someone out there that can fill the void in my heart like my boy bands did. I will always have a weakness for boy bands. There is this band out now called One Direction. No I do not think they are cute because they are kids. I do enjoy the music though. I can understand how girls are going crazy for them. We played NSYNC for our grade schoolers one day work and they were getting into it. They did not understand why my co-worker and I were so excited but they liked the songs. They tried to sing along and ruined the songs but I just let it go. I am happy that they can appreciate that music. This means they can also appreciate a part of me that I could not explain else wise. My theory has always been simple. Sometimes the words you want to say are hard to find. Sometimes the best way to express yourself is through a song. A song can say exactly what you would want to say. For Mother's day I played "Perfect Fan" by BSB for my mother. I think she almost cried. I have a hard time expressing how I am feeling a lot of times. Mushy love freaks me out to an extent because I have been hurt so much in the past. It is not uncommon for me to play a song for someone to express how I am feeling. Music is my escape, in a sense. It helps me from having to find the words that I need. It also helps forms bonds with people. As soon as you find out someone likes the same song as you it is like you are instant friends. If they like the same artists as you they automatically become some of my favorite people. Part of this is because a lot of the songs that I like not a lot of people have heard of. If I find out someone has heard of them they are seriously my best friends. Okay so this post was kind of weird but I felt like I needed to get it out.

Freestyle poetry

I always say I want to write poetry But I never seem to be good a poetry. I know I have my own style. I write my own way But I never seem to write well. My words do not rhyme Nor do they flow Maybe one day I will write a poem That everyone will know. I want to write a song To be played on the radio BUT I cannot harmonize I cannot sing How can I write a song Without a tune I want people to sing along To my beautiful melodies But I cannot seem to fathom How to make a song sing I want to write a novel But I do not have time I cannot develop Characters for you to love Settings to entrance you I want you to get lost In the world I have created In My Head Maybe some day I will write a good poem A noteworthy song and an award winning novel Until then I have homework And essays to write... And the occasional unpurposeful blog to maintain Good night.

Negativity blinds even the most Optimistic of Us.

I am back and it has been too long. I was having a hard time finding inspiration. You know the days where everything that can go wrong does and will? That was my Sunday. I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. There was nothing I could do to put myself in a good mood. I got to the point where in the very beginning of the day I wanted to delete a TON of people off of my Facebook. Okay I know that Facebook is just a website. But in a sense deleting people off Facebook is significant because it means you do not want those people in your life. I already keep a limited amount of people on my page as my friend. I do not feel the need to keep people involved in my life if they were not nice to me in the past? This helps to minimize drama. First I was mad at all my friends. Then I dropped the milk and it spilled all over me, my car, my porch, etc. I could not make lemonade for my guests because I did not have a pitcher. I found a pitcher and it did not have a lid. I also needed it to put the milk in so it would stop leaking. By noon I just wanted the day to be over because it was not my day. I am not complaining. This is just how I felt on that particular day. I was talking to a friend of mine about this. He reminded that by letting things get to me was making me stay in a negative mood. I knew this was true and although I am normally optimistic to a fault I was having difficulty in finding the light of the day. Every situation that I encountered only continued to put me in a bad mood. Monday I had to miss my first class because I was sick. I had nausea and could not stop throwing up. I know this is sick but it is natural. It happens to the best of us...some more than others. Tuesday my week was turning around. My optimism was beginning to build back up. I could not figure out why I was such a negative nelly on Sunday. I knew I was sick all day Monday but that, as sad as it is, I am used to. Being sick and throwing up does not bother me. I have done it enough that it is what it is. I know that I will be sick one day and be perfectly fine the next day. On Tuesday I realized that the most difficult decision that I made was whether to walk or ride my bike for exercise. When that is my most difficult decision I know I am in good shape. I know I am more fortunate than A LOT of people. I know that I am blessed with a house and always have food to eat. I know that as long as I keep communication going with God that I am covered. This is the tough lesson that I learned on Sunday that I will probably keep learning. Everyone has bad days and sometimes everything that happens seems like the worse possible thing. My optimism level had depleted and the only way I could refill it was by taking a breath. When I am having a bad day my family is there for me. They picked me up and my optimism level began to replenish. When I went for my walk on Tuesday I thought a lot about Sunday and how I thought it was the worse possible day. I thought about how angry I was with some of my friends because I felt like I was being ignored. This is a pet peeve of mine. I do not do well with people playing games. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME PEOPLE! I thought about the milk spilling. At which point I almost literally cried over spilled milk. I thought about how I was almost unable to make lemonade. These are all the smallest problems that I let get to me for a reason. I never said I was perfect. My advice? When you think you are having a bad day. When nothing seems to be going your way.Stop. Take a breath. Think about the things that are upsetting you. They really may not be as big of a problem as you think you are. Do not let negativity blind you because that is probably the Devil. Thank you for reading.

Where is the love?

Rude people amaze me. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around it. What is it that makes people so inconsiderate?
The other day I was walking through campus on my way to class. There was a homeless lady on campus doing some begging. When she approached me I gave her a dime because it was all the change I had in my pocket. Following I saw something that really got to me. I have been thinking about it ever since.

The lady walked up to a student and I saw them talking. I assume she was asking for money or anything the student had. When the conversation ended, the student practically bolted across campus. She was afraid of the homeless lady. At this point I wanted to do two things.

I wanted to approach the student and talk to her. I wanted to ask her why she was so afraid of the homeless lady. I wanted to tell her that the lady was not going to do her any harm. I wanted to tell her that the lady was just another person. I also wanted to talk to the homeless lady. I wanted to pray with her and show her come comfort. I wanted to let her know that God loves her.

I thought to myself for a minute. I had my lunch packed in my backpack and I knew I had an apple. I also knew that I could eat an apple when I got home. This lady may not have a chance to eat anything. This was assurance that she would be able to eat one healthy thing during the day. She thanked me for the apple and I proceeded on my way.

I did neither. I had to get to class. I had to get to class early. Early is the keyword. I had more than enough time to pray with her. I had more than enough time to carry on a little conversation with her. Does this make me as bad as the student that bolted across the classroom? I showed compassion by giving her an apple but I acted as though I did not have time to talk to her. I should have talked to her and prayed with her. I am not beating myself up. It is not the end of the world. I only hope that I see her again so that I can pray with her.

I challenge you all to this. If you see someone begging on the corner do not turn the other cheek. Treat them with compassion. Make time to talk to them. Pray with them. Maybe all they really need is prayer. Maybe they really want someone to talk to. It is common for me to have food in my car to hand out when I see people in need.

Great. Just great.

Why does life have to be so complicated? As soon as I think I get it figured out it seems to blow up in my face.
I was living the perfect drama free life. I was having fun with my friends. I was hanging out and getting along with everyone. I reconnected with a guy friend of mine with whom I stopped talking to for awhile. We stopped talking because there was some drama that needed to be sorted out. And of course that blew up on my face.
This guy friend has a little bit of history with a girlfriend of mine. They used to hang out and what not. Well it ended badly and she does not want anything to do with him. He thought that because it was so long since everything happened that they were cool again. Who knew that she could carry such a grudge?
Well she told me yesterday that she does not have time in her life for people who are disloyal and weak. She said I am disloyal because I wanted to be friends with her AND him. I wanted both of them in my lives. I was not hiding it from her. It never came up in conversation. I did not think it was that big of a deal. Okay so their relationship did not work out. It is not like I was trying to hurt her. I did not decide to be friends with him out of spite. I honestly wanted to be friends with both of them.
I understand where she is coming from kind of. He has not always been the nicest to me. He only hangs out with me when it is good for him. He is terrible at answering his phone. But my relationship with him should NOT affect my relationship with her. They are separate. We are not all in a relationship together. I have been thinking about this A LOT. Yeah I am not going to be messaging him. I am going to leave him alone and hope that he returns. They say that if you let something go and it comes back it is yours. If we are meant to be friends then he will come back around on his own time.
It breaks my heart a little that after all of this I lost two friends. I knew that eventually I would have to let him go. I knew that I was going to have to get over that fact that we would never work. Maybe talking to her was just the wake up call that I needed. I can only hope and pray that SHE comes back around. I can only hope that she forgives me I guess for being a terrible friend. Well at least she thinks I am a terrible friend.
This really sucks.

I'm back!

Sorry I left the blogging scene for quite some time. I have not felt inspired to write. Why would I write if I am just going to write nonsense? I want to write things that I feel are worth reading. I jotted down a blog during Economics class but of course I could not find it.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. My love life in particular. It is such a mess right now. Why can't I just find a good guy? I know all the reasons. HE will be there when you are ready. He will find you when you are not looking. Maybe it is not a good time for you to be in a relationship. You should spend some time being single. Screw that! I do not want to be single. I am sick of being single.

A few weeks ago my family spent the night at this lodge up north. It was sort of our Christmas party. Well because I was the only adult without a significant other, I got to sleep in my grandma's room. I mean it wasn't bad. It was fun actually but still. I felt like a child. I try to put on a happy face for everyone. I smile more than most but I am lonely. I do not even enjoy my own company these days. That was something I used to always thrive on. I used to always enjoy spending time alone. Lately I hate the thought of being alone.

I am 24. I am not getting any younger.
I do not want your sympathy. I do not need hugs. I just miss having that one person that I knew I could always count on to be there when I needed to talk. I miss that companionship. Please do not call or text me and ask if I am okay. I will probably lie anyway. I just need time to sort this out in my head. I need to get comfortable with being by myself again. Heaven knows I could be this way for a long time.
Please do not message me. I am not asking for anyone's sympathy. I just needed to vent. I will be okay. For now I just need figure out this thing called life. Well at least I need to figure out where I stand in my relationship with me. But do not worry about me okay? I am strong.

Call me crazy

There are so many homeless people in Detroit. It is depressing. It is hard to walk around down town for class and NOT notice.
I want to do something for them. I want to reach out to them one person at a time. I am unable to reach out to all of them. I am unable to talk with each and every one of them on a daily basis. They need to know that God loves them. They need to know that, despite their current living conditions, there is love for them. They need to know that people care about them. They need to know that there are people that are willing to help even in the smallest ways.
I cannot convince myself that it is a good idea to go to other countries to do missionary work. I cannot convince myself that these people in other countries need our support. I know they do. I know they are suffering. I know they are poor and well beyond the poverty level that has been established in the USA.
On the same level, I cannot convince myself to go to these other countries when there is so much work that needs to be done on the home front. Detroit has so much promise and I want to do whatever I can in order to bring it back to the ravishing city it once was. I want people to WANT to come to Detroit. I want people to dream about living in Detroit like they dream about living in New York in California. Perhaps I am too much of an optimist but I will tell you one thing: I am NEVER going to give up on the city. I am never going to give up on Detroit. I know it is suffering. I know that it needs a lot of work. But I also know that if we all pulled together, we could get it to where it once used to be.
Here is where I started.
Last Sunday a friend and I started a little journey to make Detroit that much of a better place.
There is a homeless guy who stands on the corner of I94 and Moross. This is the exit we take when we attend weekly church service at his church. We wanted to reach out to this man. We had it in our heads to buy him a lunch but that was not enough. I bought some food from 7-11. He bought a coffee from Starbucks. We parked my car at his church. From there we walked to the corner where the homeless guy was standing, in desperation, for some fortune from God.
We presented him the food, coffee, and sugar for the coffee. We learned his name is Bill. His story goes as this: He was married for thirteen years and has children. (I forgot how many and I am unsure how old they are.) The wife found someone else of interest at the church and filed for divorce. She got all the money and the house. He was left with nothing. He was happy that she had the house and money because he knew his children would be taken care of.His plans are to get disability so he is able to get an apartment. He plans on attending church service next week at my friends church. I will not be there but I will keep you all updated.
We told him that God loves him. We chatted for about ten minutes or so. While we were sitting there another lady pulled up and gave him two bags of food which included bread, lunch meat, and fruit.
I could not help but watch around me as others drove by. I was surprised at some of reactions that I saw. I saw one lady shake her head. I do not know if she was shaking it at us talking to Bill, or if she thought he was taking advantage of us. Obviously that was not the case. We went to talk to him because we wanted to. We also knew that God had our back despite whatever happens. I saw several people staring. This bugged me. I hate being stared at. I felt as though they were judging us and the situation. This is not their job. It is God's job to set judgement and no one else's. (Just saying)
From this day forward, whenever I go downtown I am going to intentionally carry some sort of snack food item with me so that I will have something to give when I see a homeless man or woman on the corner. I will even sit down and chat with them as long as I have the time. They are just people. They are not homeless by choice.

How is YOUR time being used?

I have to admit. I get most inspired to write when I am sitting in coffee houses. This is usually where I can just sit and write. I put my pen to the paper and just let it roll across as words are produced. I know this sounds like a cliche. Who hasn't felt inspired by the atmosphere of a coffee house? How many starving artists produce amazing pieces of art either in the coffee house or just after leaving it?
I am supposed to be working on an essay but it is not due for a few more weeks. I am going to be working on it when I return home from work. Instead I am spending my time writing in the blog in hope that maybe I will get more followers.
I like to write for the simple joy of it. No editing. I embrace an flaws that my writing may have. If I had the time, I would sit in a coffee house from morning until dusk and just write. I would put my hand to the paper in the morning and not remove it until the store closed. However I do not have the time to complete this task.
Time is a delicacy we never seem to have enough of. When we have too much we complain. We do not know how to spend extra time when we get it. We complain of boredom because it is the only thing that makes sense.
In this super busy world, time is a necessity. It is necessary to make time for those who matter in your life. Bank those extra seconds, minutes and hours until you need to use them. Do not waste it. What is that point? You will never get it back. Once time is spent there is no retracing your steps for even an additional second in your life.
Life is too short to spend time on things or people who only bring you down. Smile at everyone you see. A gesture as small as a smile can change someone's day completely around. Be nice to everyone who crosses your path. Anger is a wasted emotion. You can lose a tremendous amount of time with someone because of anger. You never realize how important someone is in your life until they are no longer there.
Time can be used to earn money. I give my time every week and in return am given a pay check. Naturally this works for a majority of people. I agree to give up my time a few hours a week to benefit my future. The cost of tuition is costly but it is worth it in the end. Education is ALWAYS time well spent.
Speaking of time, I am supposed to be working on that essay. I am wasting time in order to write this. Time wasted or time well spent? How are most of your days used? Think about that with each and every decision you make in your life. Some days it is relaxing to let life waste away. It is comforting to see time fly and not have to worry about how it is spent. It is nice to take a breather. I spent 21 minutes writing this and of course I consider it time very well spent!

TITLE

This is my favorite time of the year! It always has been. I love the bright colors. I love how pretty the trees look. I love how they go from green to multiple different colors. I love the sound of leaves crunching under my feet as I walk down the street. I love apples. I love cider. I love doughnuts. The weather is perfect. Warm enough to get away with just a hoodie and a pair of jeans. Cold enough for some hot cider.

I love Halloween. It is just a fun holiday. Okay so it does not have as much religious symbolism. Who cares? It is a time where any one has a chance to be a kid again. I do believe that some people take advantage though. Some people use this holiday as a reason to dress to impress. They take classic costumes and turn it into something scandalous. Because seriously, when else would you see a vampire wearing fish nets? (Other than in some pornographic movie?) I really do not have much else to say.

Sorry this blog was kind of pointless. Sorry for wasting your time.

Those teachable moments...

I have had some amazing teachers in my life. They have taught me so many different lessons. Not all of these teachers were in a classroom setting.

My parents are two of the best teachers I have had. Besides the fact that my mom is the only one of the two that actually teaches for a living. My dad teaches in a sense. He is constantly instructing the staff that is below him. They have taught me to love. They have taught me that God loves me no matter what I do or say. I could list everything but the list goes on to eternity. Even though I am twenty four, I am still learning from them.

My sister is also a great teacher of mine. She does not realize this but I have been following her for as long as I can remember. I would annoy her from time to time but I always looked up to her. I learned from her mistakes. I learned how to relate to our father through her. Which, if you know my father, he is not always the easiest person to relate to. I am not saying this in a mean way. I am just saying this as a fact.

Then there is Destinee. She has shown me that family does not always have to be blood related. The family bond can be thicker than blood. God put her in my life for a reason. I will never regret approaching her the first day I saw here walk onto the soccer field with her family. I will never regret telling her that she could not push me away and that no matter how hard she tried, I would always be in her life.

Mr. Humphrey showed me that being a Christian can be cool. We all know that in high school peer pressure is thick. We want to be cool. We want to be able to fit in with the crowd and not be that kid. (You know the kid that is only ever remembered in negative ways?) He taught me to love myself. Of course he also taught me some science but naturally I forgot those facts already. I do remember him telling us that the sky was actually purple but our eyes are sensitive to the color blue so we see it as blue. Even to this day when I bring it up, no one believes me. I back it up with, "Well Mr. Humphrey said that.." Obviously if he said it, it has to be true. This is terrible but it has helped me a lot over the years. He also, unintentionally, taught me how to squeak my way through a class and manage a minimum grade.

Dearest Mr. Humphrey,

If you are listening, it it thanks to you that I have a hard time listening to Amazing Grace. Every time I hear it, I am reminded of you singing it as we all stand, shivering, around the flag pole in front of the school. This image haunts my memories every time I hear the song and I cannot shake it. I cannot forget how you smiled through the entirety of the class period, even if someone upset you. I cannot forget how happy you were to be doing what you loved. You were an amazing teacher and I was so blessed to have you in my life even for a very short period. It was that period of my life that was so crucial and you helped me through it more than you knew.

Thank you.

Now I cannot go through and list every single teacher that has impacted my life in some way or another. I have been lucky to have some really amazing ones of the years. I am not sure if this is coincidence but the English teachers, except Mrs. Pastoria, tend to be my favorites. They tend to influence me to be the best writer that I can be without even trying.

Control

God is amazing. He never ceases to amaze me in what he does. He has created so many beautiful things in this world. Look at the flower below. It is beautiful. When I first saw it, I knew I had to take a picture of it. It is so intricate. It is breath taking.

I went to church with the some friends the other day and the message really got to me. At one point the priest said, "You have to allow the spirit control in your life." I know I have an issue with control. I know that I like to think that I

am in control of my life. I did not know where this stemmed from until recently.

It came from an ex boyfriend. When I was with him, I had no control. I would show up late for work and school. I was poor because I practically signed my checks over to him. My credit card debt was through the roof. He had all of the control. It was not until I broke up with him that I gained control.

Even in the after mass he managed to steal what little control he could from me. As hard as I tried to ignore his phone calls, I returned one. I returned a call after he told me he was going to commit suicide. He did not answer but retur

ned the call saying that he was in the bathroom. However it was me that obtained all the control

in the end. I changed my phone number so he was not able to call me. My manager talked to h

im for me when he came into my work demanding money. I ripped up the letter he left me and threw it in the trash. I was broken hearted at the words he said to me but in time all is healed.

From that moment on I have been obsessed with controlling my life. I panic when things do not go according to plan. I cry, I freak out, I yell, and I scream. It is scary. I get into a zone and I cannot stop myself.

I need to allow God in. I need to allow him some control in my life. As crazy as my world is he needs to wash over me and his deeds will be done. I will follow his will until the day I die. All I need to do is allow him some control. That is not as easy as it seems.

Nerd.

School starts tomorrow and I could not be more excited. I got my hair done. I have my books. My backpack is ready to go. It has been ready to go since July.

I am a nerd. Honestly, I am okay with that. I have an earning for learning. I have a need to always know more. I am constantly looking up information online just so I know that much more. No, I do not use Wikipedia. That is not a valid source of information. Anyone can post an article on there and call it fact.

I love studying. Receiving a good grade on a test is worth it all. It shows how much I can handle. It shows how much I can obtain and cram into my brain. I cannot promise that I will remember all the information after the test but that is irrelevant.

I love writing essays. This comes easy to me. I can write an essay in a few hours and obtain an A on it. I am not bragging. I am merely stating the facts. I analyze every book I read. I analyze every essay or paragraph I read. Every word has a more complicated meaning. Everything everyone says means something else to me.

I am constantly asking people to say what they really mean. I am constantly analyzing people. I have an obsession with trying to figure out why people think the way they do. Perhaps I should have gone to school for psychology? Life moves on.

How can I analyze so much, yet when it comes to math, struggle like mad? Well this blog makes no sense. I just really wanted to write.

Stop reading this, seriously.

Go see The Help. Seriously. Stop reading this and go see it. You all know I am going to just ramble nonsense. Your time would be better spent driving to the local theater and seeing this remarkable movie.

I do not cry in movies. Okay, I do cry in movies but only at stupid parts. I cried in the last Harry Potter movie when I saw certain people passed away. I cried in a flashback scene as the put the whole story together and wrapped it in a neat bow. (I cannot give away too much because I have been informed that some people who read that have not even read the book yet.) I consider them slackers considering the book has already been out for a few years now. Irrelevant.

I have no shame in the fact that I cried in this movie. I grew up with these characters and, in my mind, I was watching a very good friend pass away. It was hard seeing someone I got to know so well, through text, die such a terrible awful death.

I get so involved with characters in books. I get to know them as I watch them struggle. I learn all of their personality quirks in the worse and best scenarios. After reading the Harry Potter books several times throughout the years they have become like a second family to me. It was a safe place for me to go when the world around me let me down. The best part of this connection is when I find someone else who likes the series as much, or more than, I do. I know I am weird but I am perfectly okay with that.

Why are you still reading this? Get back to your life. Get back to work....since I know a certain someone reads this while at work. (Not saying any names of course). In fact I think there are a few people who read this while getting paid. Gee, I wish I could get paid to read non-sense. Instead I get paid to make people fat. I am a minute part of the reason why this country is so obese.

Seriously, stop reading. If you are not working go see that movie. If you are more connected with your emotions than I am you will cry. I almost cried but was unable to do so. I was touched by the movie and I can say, that without a doubt, it is one of the best movies I have seen in a very long time. Yes, this includes the last Harry Potter movie and that is saying a lot. You will laugh. I did. This is not saying much though because I laugh a lot. I like to laugh. It feels good. If you have seen it, you can relate to how powerful the message is behind it. You will be able to agree that the movie is simply phenomenal. And for the person who has not seen it yet...who I was apparently supposed to go see it with...I am sorry but I will go see it again. THAT is how good of a movie it was.

"Piece of Cake" review

I recently finished a memoir called "Piece of Cake." It was written by Cupcake Brown. She relives her life as she fell into drug and alcohol addictions.

This was one of the hardest pieces of material I have ever read. It was not challenging because of the language. Honestly, I flew through it because I was anxious for the poor girl's life to turn around. It was difficult because I had a hard time relating. I have always had a loving family. I have never been raped. I have never been forced to provide for myself due to an unjust judicial system.

At the same time, the way she talked, I felt like I was really getting to know Cupcake. I felt like she was a long lost friend with a story that I needed to hear. I have yet to determine what made me pick up the book. I do not know why exactly I read the book and was unable to put it down.

In my mind, I was cheering her on the whole way through the book. I kept thinking, you can get through this because I know how strong and determined you can be when it comes to getting what you want or need.

I cried many times throughout the novel. It touched me and really spoke to me. What really got me is that despite everything she put herself through, she was able to come out on top and become very successful. I am much younger than she is and still feel like a failure because I have not yet completed school or found the love of my life.

I am not giving up. I will have my life where I need it in six years.

I am the kind of person who when I read a good story I will share it with anyone who is willing to listen. With this being said, there are already three people who want to read the book now that I have completed it. The first girl has possession of it presently. She was pretty excited when I gave it to her today.

All in all I give "Piece of Cake" by Cupcake Brown 5 stars. I recommend it to anyone.

Pay it forward.

Have you seen that movie? The child has an amazing insight to life. He does good deeds for people and asks them not to pay him back. Instead he asks them to in turn, do something nice for someone else. Why are people so hesitant to lend a helping hand when needed? In the same sense, why are people so hesitant to ask for help when there is not way they can survive on our own? What has the world come to that, by offering a simple gesture, we think the worse possible scenario? As a society, we are very pessimistic and mistrusting.

I will lend a helping hand to anyone without thinking twice. I always want to believe the best in people. This causes me to be gullible. It causes me to believe that no one would possibly lie to me because I would not lie to them. It blinds me to people who are shady. I would never think that someone is trying to cheat me out of anything because I would not do that to anyone.

This is something that I am working on. I do not want to become a pessimist. I want to be able to trust people. I want to be able to see the best in people. At the same time, I am done with people taking advantage of me. I am done with people thinking that I am just the nice girl that will always be there to help out.

It took me twenty years but I can honestly say that I have a group of friends that I would trust with my life. Growing up and all through high school I did not have the nicest friends. If you are reading this, obviously I trust you. However in high school I wanted to fit in so badly that I did not care how badly my so called friends treated me. And trust me, they are not the nicest people. This being why I do not talk to a lot of them anymore but that is a whole other story.

If you have not seen Pay it forward, I recommend it. It has been around for 11 years already and I feel that it displays a really good message. If someone lends you a dollar, do not pay that dollar back. In turn , when someone needs a pop to quench a thirst, buy that person a pop. The would would be a happier place if people were just a little nicer to each other.

Have a good night everyone. I paid it forward today, did you?

Capture those memories.

I have wondered and wondered why I love photography so much.

I have six cameras. Two of them work. I have, over the years acquired quite t he collection of cameras. I have a Polaroid, Two fancy film cameras (That I do not know how to put the batteries in), a 35 mm camera, and two digital cameras. One of the digitals I use for events of the sort. I have a baby shower at the end of the month that I am being paid to take pictures at. How cool is that?! I have never NEVER been paid to do photography before so this is exciting in my world. There is another baby shower in September that I am also being paid for.

Maybe I should put an ad on Craig's List? I would not know how much to charge. The lady for the baby showers is giving me $25 for the first one. The second one is still up in the air and being negotiated.

I love the idea that with the click of a button, you can capture an image and it is yours to keep for as long as you want. You can capture memories and look back on them years and years down the line. You can capture the beauty of a flower, and even if the flower dies, you will always have the beauty of it in the photography.

There was this tulip in my mom's garden. I got more excited about it than she did. It was all white, except one petal. One petal was half white and half red. I could not get over how much this flower fascinated me. I have never seen anything like it. I also could not understand why my mom was not as intrigued by it as I was. I showed the picture to several people and they were all impressed. I was actually accused of photoshopping the flower. There was no way in Heaven that that flower could exist without the help of technology.

Right.

I live my life behind my camera lens. I live to capture as many moments as possible. I am constantly taking pictures. With the exception of when I am at work (even then I have a camera phone) I always have a camera on me. I keep one on me. You never know when you are going to need it. Nature changes so rapidly. Things happen all the time around me that sometimes I wish I could capture and share with the world. There are times that the picture does the scene I am trying to capture no justice.

A few weeks ago a friend and I saw a rainbow. It was beautiful. We also could not understand where it came from because there was no prior rain. When I took a picture of it, there was no justice to be done. We were in awe at the beauty of the rainbow. I even pulled up to another car and made sure to point it out to them. If I enjoy it, why should I not allow someone else to enjoy it?

Have a nice day and don't forget to capture your life. ^_^

Reality tv? Yeah, realistic.

I admit it. I enjoy reality television. I enjoy watching people. This includes Jersey Shore. The people on the show are dumb. They are losers who party and have sex all the time. Yet, I find the show addicting.

I feel as though I get to know them. I feel like they are the people in high school that I was never cool enough to hang out with. It is weird. It is addicting but it is not reality.

When did it become realistic to have a camera follow you around all day long? When did it become reality that you can go with friends to Italy and party every night? This is a concept that I have a very hard time grasping.

I enjoy sitting in the mall and watching people pass. Sometimes I catch a bit of a conversation here and there. Maybe I should have become a psychology major. I analyze people to the best of my ability. I tell me friends, because I know them well enough, what they are thinking at times. I criticize my friends when they are making stupid mistakes. I am tough but it is because I know them. They also know me. They will also tell me what I am thinking at times. Crazy right??

I can understand why people like reality television. I understand the concept and how easily it is to get drawn into someone else's life.

I write this blog and share all of my emotions with whoever reads it. I leave my self vulnerable and leave nothing behind. I have no regrets with the information I share. I should be a reality show star. Then again, I think my life is pretty boring. Who would want to watch me? Anyone?

Would anyone feel so obliged to turn on the Dana show weekly to see what I am up to? I wish this blog was more popular. I wish I had a million strangers reading and they felt like they knew me through my writing. I have written in here for a little over a year and I still only have eight followers.

Those skills may come in handy.

I always forget how much I love baking until I come up with something that tastes so great. Of course I have my flops every now and then. There are a few things I have made that were just terrible. No, I am not saying this to dish for compliments. I am my harshest critic but aren't we all?

I have come to the conclusion that I am very hard on myself. When I do not succeed in even the smallest of tasks I get upset. I get frustrated with myself a lot lately because I know I could be doing so much better for myself. I have been working in fast food for six years now. It is time for this to come to an end. It is time for me to get a job that has NOTHING to do with greasy burgers and fries. It is time for me to work somewhere where I am not up until two in the morning mopping a floor or washing dishes.

I have had enough. I stick it out because at this point in time I have no other options. Until I find something better I am stuck in this world that I have created for myself. I am stuck in the world where I contribute to the obesity factor that we all have come to love in the great country of the USA. Yes, I help make skinny people fat and fat people fatter. You laugh but it is, in a sense, part of my job description. I am constantly told to make sure I am upselling more food so the company can make more food.

This job kind of depresses me a little. People make it seem as though it is so serious but it isn't. It is just yet another obstacle that I have to go through to reach my final goal. The final goal being owning a bakery and allowing people in low income families work. I am going to allow people who would not normally be able to get a job work and make money for their families. It will probably be high school students and somehow the program will run through the school, or city. I have yet to figure that part out but I have more than enough time before I reach that point.

I get frustrated so easily at work. I have no tolerance for ignorance. Yet so many people that come through are so ignorant that they frustrate me. Honestly, how hard is it to order food at a fast food joint. People act as though they do not know how to read. Look at the menu, check out the prices, figure out how much money you can spend, and order accordingly. If you have a question ask. It is simple really.

It is nice to have nice customers come through. It is nice to know that not everyone is a dick. It is nice to know that some people know how to read. It is nice when they order with confidence as though they have their order rehearsed in their head before coming through. Simple things like that make life so much easier.

I have heard of people who are afraid to bake. I have also heard of people who are afraid to cook. I have a hard time figuring this out. These are both such simple processes. If you know how to read and how to follow instructions, I promise you should be fine. By reading directions even the dumbest person in the world can make cake out of a box. The same person would also be able to make macaroni and cheese.

With all of the resources that are available, we can learn how to do anything. I believe there is a website called howto.com?? I could be wrong. I also am unsure how valid it is. I have never visited it unless I get navigated there through Google. (Which by the way is one of my favorite resources)

Just because I do not know how to bake the best and most elegant things in the world I am on my way. When I mess up a recipe I look up information online and try again. I do not give up. I keep on perfecting it until I am exhausted. I was once told (by a teacher who I did not necessarily like) that practice does not make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. Even though I did not like this teacher it makes sense. If you keep practicing but are making mistakes, the final result will have mistakes. This is the one thing he ever said in the four years that I had him as a teacher that ever stuck with me.

My advice to anyone is if you love doing something, keep doing it. If it is a hobby, why not keep doing it? It never hurts to be better at something. It never hurts to have more skills under your belt for your personal resume. I am always working on my baking and cooking because quite frankly I am nowhere near where I should be at this point. Thanks for listening.

Good night.

We all make mistakes!

Mistakes. We all make them. We are human.

Recently a member of my church and his wife both made some pretty big mistakes. They are both in big trouble because of the poor decisions that they made over the past few years.

Do I judge them? No, it is not my job to judge. Do I hate them because of what they have done? No, because they are paying for them regardless. I will welcome them into my life with open hearts. They have not done anything to me personally.

I saw the story on the news last week and I could not believe my eyes. I almost fell out of my chair. My mom cursed. None of us could believe what we were seeing. How could people we see every week have done something so terrible? These are people that we are not necessarily close with but it is like our extended family.

I do not shun them for what they have done. I pray for this couple every night in hopes that something good will come out of this mess they created for themselves.

I am not going into detail as to what they have done because I do not believe that would solve anything. The fact of the matter is I do not know the whole story. I only know what I have read in the newspaper and seen on the news. Their whole family attends my church but I am unsure when we will see them there again. Unfortunately there may be a little bit of shame and humility involved. I can only hope and pray that they will over come this humility and know that we are there for them as a congregation.

I make mistakes. I am human, what do you want from me? I mess things up from time to time. I crash my car, I spill things, I say things that I shouldn't. I am not perfect, nor do I ever try to be. All I can do is be the best me that I can. All I can do is hope that when I mess up from time to time that there is someone on the other end who is willing to forgive me.

Celebrities make mistakes and we all know that they do. It is all over the news. This one did this, this one stole that, this one overdosed on this. Blah blah blah!! I do not care. I am well aware that we all mess up sometimes. Wouldn't the world be a little boring if everyone was perfect? This reminds me of that one movie where it is all black and white and it slowly turns into color when people have sex. The sex is what makes the movie interesting. It adds color and because of this it adds an extra dimension into the movie.

It shows that in a world where everything is black and white perfection can only last so long. In the end of the movie when everything is colored they are happy with their imperfections.

In the end of the day I will forgive anyone who has upset me. I will forgive anyone who has broken my heart. I will forgive annoying customers for not understanding how to order in a drive thru. I understand that we all make mistakes every now and then.

My only hope is that when I make a mistake is that I am forgiven and welcomed into the House of God with open arms just as that couple at my church is!