God turning someone straight?

I found myself very puzzled yesterday. There is this guy at one of the Bible studies that I attend that I cannot seem to figure out. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. A lot of times I am more trusting than I should be and give people way too many chances. I am optimistic to a fault. This guy, who we will refer to as one, just boggles my mind. I cannot seem to put my finger on why I do not trust him. It takes a lot for me to not trust someone. It bugs me that I cannot figure him out. A friend of mine was telling me a little bit of his history. One used to be a party guy. He used to do drugs and I think drink alcohol. My friend said he was gay but when he found God, God made him straight. And there it was! This is what I could not put my finger on. I know God can do anything. I know he can work miracles. I have been a Christian my whole life. However, if one was happy being gay why would God change him? My church is very traditional but, in general, very liberal. We are accepting to everyone. We do not pass judgement because we know that is not our job. I try to not pass judgement but I am not perfect. Of course sometimes I slip up. Sometimes I sin but that is okay! God loves me enough to forgive me. I have never had a problem with someone being homosexual. I know it is a sin. I also know that God forgives sins. He forgives mine and he forgives theirs. I am struggling with this. I cannot figure out why God would decide to make someone straight. I have been thinking hard about this and, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make sense of it. I am a hopeless romantic. I believe that you cannot help who you love. I believe that in this world there is that one perfect person for you. I believe in that gushy true love that is in chick flicks. I prayed about this last night asking God why he would just make someone straight. I am seeking an answer because nothing in my breadth of knowledge makes sense. Perhaps someone else can make sense of this? The only thing that makes sense is that God knew one was not happy. He knew that one was seeking something else. He knew that one could have a better and happier life. He knew that one's party life was contributed by his unhappiness. He also knew that by turning him away from homosexuality he would be able to lead a better life. I guess this makes sense.

Songs form bonds? Yea, I think so.

Here is the thing about boy bands. When you like them once, you will like them always. There is something about hearing Backstreet Boys, Hanson, and NSYNC that makes everything better. I always dreamed that I would marry a member from each band one day. Of course it would never happy but it doesn't hurt to dream. Last year I went to go see Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block. My sister was familiar with NKOTB because she listened to them when they came out the first time. She was also familiar with BSB. We sang along on the top of our lungs. I have no shame singing along. These songs can help me get out of the worse mood. They were my first love and that is not weird. They helped me find self confidence when I needed it the most. They helped me form friendships and bonds that will never be broken. They have a spot in my heart. They fill a void that no one will ever be able to. I hope to one day find a man that can make me feel that way. I hope there is someone out there that can fill the void in my heart like my boy bands did. I will always have a weakness for boy bands. There is this band out now called One Direction. No I do not think they are cute because they are kids. I do enjoy the music though. I can understand how girls are going crazy for them. We played NSYNC for our grade schoolers one day work and they were getting into it. They did not understand why my co-worker and I were so excited but they liked the songs. They tried to sing along and ruined the songs but I just let it go. I am happy that they can appreciate that music. This means they can also appreciate a part of me that I could not explain else wise. My theory has always been simple. Sometimes the words you want to say are hard to find. Sometimes the best way to express yourself is through a song. A song can say exactly what you would want to say. For Mother's day I played "Perfect Fan" by BSB for my mother. I think she almost cried. I have a hard time expressing how I am feeling a lot of times. Mushy love freaks me out to an extent because I have been hurt so much in the past. It is not uncommon for me to play a song for someone to express how I am feeling. Music is my escape, in a sense. It helps me from having to find the words that I need. It also helps forms bonds with people. As soon as you find out someone likes the same song as you it is like you are instant friends. If they like the same artists as you they automatically become some of my favorite people. Part of this is because a lot of the songs that I like not a lot of people have heard of. If I find out someone has heard of them they are seriously my best friends. Okay so this post was kind of weird but I felt like I needed to get it out.

Freestyle poetry

I always say I want to write poetry But I never seem to be good a poetry. I know I have my own style. I write my own way But I never seem to write well. My words do not rhyme Nor do they flow Maybe one day I will write a poem That everyone will know. I want to write a song To be played on the radio BUT I cannot harmonize I cannot sing How can I write a song Without a tune I want people to sing along To my beautiful melodies But I cannot seem to fathom How to make a song sing I want to write a novel But I do not have time I cannot develop Characters for you to love Settings to entrance you I want you to get lost In the world I have created In My Head Maybe some day I will write a good poem A noteworthy song and an award winning novel Until then I have homework And essays to write... And the occasional unpurposeful blog to maintain Good night.

Negativity blinds even the most Optimistic of Us.

I am back and it has been too long. I was having a hard time finding inspiration. You know the days where everything that can go wrong does and will? That was my Sunday. I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. There was nothing I could do to put myself in a good mood. I got to the point where in the very beginning of the day I wanted to delete a TON of people off of my Facebook. Okay I know that Facebook is just a website. But in a sense deleting people off Facebook is significant because it means you do not want those people in your life. I already keep a limited amount of people on my page as my friend. I do not feel the need to keep people involved in my life if they were not nice to me in the past? This helps to minimize drama. First I was mad at all my friends. Then I dropped the milk and it spilled all over me, my car, my porch, etc. I could not make lemonade for my guests because I did not have a pitcher. I found a pitcher and it did not have a lid. I also needed it to put the milk in so it would stop leaking. By noon I just wanted the day to be over because it was not my day. I am not complaining. This is just how I felt on that particular day. I was talking to a friend of mine about this. He reminded that by letting things get to me was making me stay in a negative mood. I knew this was true and although I am normally optimistic to a fault I was having difficulty in finding the light of the day. Every situation that I encountered only continued to put me in a bad mood. Monday I had to miss my first class because I was sick. I had nausea and could not stop throwing up. I know this is sick but it is natural. It happens to the best of us...some more than others. Tuesday my week was turning around. My optimism was beginning to build back up. I could not figure out why I was such a negative nelly on Sunday. I knew I was sick all day Monday but that, as sad as it is, I am used to. Being sick and throwing up does not bother me. I have done it enough that it is what it is. I know that I will be sick one day and be perfectly fine the next day. On Tuesday I realized that the most difficult decision that I made was whether to walk or ride my bike for exercise. When that is my most difficult decision I know I am in good shape. I know I am more fortunate than A LOT of people. I know that I am blessed with a house and always have food to eat. I know that as long as I keep communication going with God that I am covered. This is the tough lesson that I learned on Sunday that I will probably keep learning. Everyone has bad days and sometimes everything that happens seems like the worse possible thing. My optimism level had depleted and the only way I could refill it was by taking a breath. When I am having a bad day my family is there for me. They picked me up and my optimism level began to replenish. When I went for my walk on Tuesday I thought a lot about Sunday and how I thought it was the worse possible day. I thought about how angry I was with some of my friends because I felt like I was being ignored. This is a pet peeve of mine. I do not do well with people playing games. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME PEOPLE! I thought about the milk spilling. At which point I almost literally cried over spilled milk. I thought about how I was almost unable to make lemonade. These are all the smallest problems that I let get to me for a reason. I never said I was perfect. My advice? When you think you are having a bad day. When nothing seems to be going your way.Stop. Take a breath. Think about the things that are upsetting you. They really may not be as big of a problem as you think you are. Do not let negativity blind you because that is probably the Devil. Thank you for reading.

Where is the love?

Rude people amaze me. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around it. What is it that makes people so inconsiderate?
The other day I was walking through campus on my way to class. There was a homeless lady on campus doing some begging. When she approached me I gave her a dime because it was all the change I had in my pocket. Following I saw something that really got to me. I have been thinking about it ever since.

The lady walked up to a student and I saw them talking. I assume she was asking for money or anything the student had. When the conversation ended, the student practically bolted across campus. She was afraid of the homeless lady. At this point I wanted to do two things.

I wanted to approach the student and talk to her. I wanted to ask her why she was so afraid of the homeless lady. I wanted to tell her that the lady was not going to do her any harm. I wanted to tell her that the lady was just another person. I also wanted to talk to the homeless lady. I wanted to pray with her and show her come comfort. I wanted to let her know that God loves her.

I thought to myself for a minute. I had my lunch packed in my backpack and I knew I had an apple. I also knew that I could eat an apple when I got home. This lady may not have a chance to eat anything. This was assurance that she would be able to eat one healthy thing during the day. She thanked me for the apple and I proceeded on my way.

I did neither. I had to get to class. I had to get to class early. Early is the keyword. I had more than enough time to pray with her. I had more than enough time to carry on a little conversation with her. Does this make me as bad as the student that bolted across the classroom? I showed compassion by giving her an apple but I acted as though I did not have time to talk to her. I should have talked to her and prayed with her. I am not beating myself up. It is not the end of the world. I only hope that I see her again so that I can pray with her.

I challenge you all to this. If you see someone begging on the corner do not turn the other cheek. Treat them with compassion. Make time to talk to them. Pray with them. Maybe all they really need is prayer. Maybe they really want someone to talk to. It is common for me to have food in my car to hand out when I see people in need.