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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Those teachable moments...

I have had some amazing teachers in my life. They have taught me so many different lessons. Not all of these teachers were in a classroom setting.
My parents are two of the best teachers I have had. Besides the fact that my mom is the only one of the two that actually teaches for a living. My dad teaches in a sense. He is constantly instructing the staff that is below him. They have taught me to love. They have taught me that God loves me no matter what I do or say. I could list everything but the list goes on to eternity. Even though I am twenty four, I am still learning from them.
My sister is also a great teacher of mine. She does not realize this but I have been following her for as long as I can remember. I would annoy her from time to time but I always looked up to her. I learned from her mistakes. I learned how to relate to our father through her. Which, if you know my father, he is not always the easiest person to relate to. I am not saying this in a mean way. I am just saying this as a fact.
Then there is Destinee. She has shown me that family does not always have to be blood related. The family bond can be thicker than blood. God put her in my life for a reason. I will never regret approaching her the first day I saw here walk onto the soccer field with her family. I will never regret telling her that she could not push me away and that no matter how hard she tried, I would always be in her life.
Mr. Humphrey showed me that being a Christian can be cool. We all know that in high school peer pressure is thick. We want to be cool. We want to be able to fit in with the crowd and not be that kid. (You know the kid that is only ever remembered in negative ways?) He taught me to love myself. Of course he also taught me some science but naturally I forgot those facts already. I do remember him telling us that the sky was actually purple but our eyes are sensitive to the color blue so we see it as blue. Even to this day when I bring it up, no one believes me. I back it up with, "Well Mr. Humphrey said that.." Obviously if he said it, it has to be true. This is terrible but it has helped me a lot over the years. He also, unintentionally, taught me how to squeak my way through a class and manage a minimum grade.
Dearest Mr. Humphrey,
If you are listening, it it thanks to you that I have a hard time listening to Amazing Grace. Every time I hear it, I am reminded of you singing it as we all stand, shivering, around the flag pole in front of the school. This image haunts my memories every time I hear the song and I cannot shake it. I cannot forget how you smiled through the entirety of the class period, even if someone upset you. I cannot forget how happy you were to be doing what you loved. You were an amazing teacher and I was so blessed to have you in my life even for a very short period. It was that period of my life that was so crucial and you helped me through it more than you knew.
Thank you.
Now I cannot go through and list every single teacher that has impacted my life in some way or another. I have been lucky to have some really amazing ones of the years. I am not sure if this is coincidence but the English teachers, except Mrs. Pastoria, tend to be my favorites. They tend to influence me to be the best writer that I can be without even trying.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Control

God is amazing. He never ceases to amaze me in what he does. He has created so many beautiful things in this world. Look at the flower below. It is beautiful. When I first saw it, I knew I had to take a picture of it. It is so intricate. It is breath taking.
I went to church with the some friends the other day and the message really got to me. At one point the priest said, "You have to allow the spirit control in your life." I know I have an issue with control. I know that I like to think that I

am in control of my life. I did not know where this stemmed from until recently.

It came from an ex boyfriend. When I was with him, I had no control. I would show up late for work and school. I was poor because I practically signed my checks over to him. My credit card debt was through the roof. He had all of the control. It was not until I broke up with him that I gained control.
Even in the after mass he managed to steal what little control he could from me. As hard as I tried to ignore his phone calls, I returned one. I returned a call after he told me he was going to commit suicide. He did not answer but retur

ned the call saying that he was in the bathroom. However it was me that obtained all the control
in the end. I changed my phone number so he was not able to call me. My manager talked to h

im for me when he came into my work demanding money. I ripped up the letter he left me and threw it in the trash. I was broken hearted at the words he said to me but in time all is healed.
From that moment on I have been obsessed with controlling my life. I panic when things do not go according to plan. I cry, I freak out, I yell, and I scream. It is scary. I get into a zone and I cannot stop myself.
I need to allow God in. I need to allow him some control in my life. As crazy as my world is he needs to wash over me and his deeds will be done. I will follow his will until the day I die. All I need to do is allow him some control. That is not as easy as it seems.