I always have something to say. There is always something on my mind. Yet, here I am, typing into this white box and I do not know what to type.

I am uninspired to type but feel the need to at least type something. It is Summer time and I am soaking it up as much as possible. The weather has been beautiful lately but of course I will not take it for granted. After all, I do live in Michigan where our weather system reminds me of a lady on PMS.

I honestly believe in MOTHER nature. Other states may have a Father nature but Michigan definitely has mother. We catch all her mood swings. Sometimes she is out of control. Sometimes, and this is rare, we will get a whole week of nice weather. Of course this is nothing that I get used to because I know that with every second of nice, blue skies, there is a gray cloud lurking behind it waiting to come out.

It is like na na na boo boo you have to deal with me!

Music is life.

It is 3 am and instead of sleeping like a normal human being I am on here typing away. I find it hard to sleep at what is considered a normal time lately. I am becoming more and more of a night owl, only to realize that there is no one to talk to at 3 am. My room is quiet because I am too lazy to walk to the other side to turn on the televison. If I can not sleep, why not sign in and write about not being able to sleep?

In other news, my sister, cousin and I went to see New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys (or as they call themselves NKOTBSB) the other night. They collaberated and were in concert together. Let me tell you, I felt like I was 12 years old again. The minute I saw Brian Litrell on stage performing I immediately fell back in love with him. Who can blame me? He is just so cute! I have to admit I have not been as faithful of a fan as I could or should be. I have been slacking. I did not know that AJ made a song. I figure this is a good thing though because the music video for it was just insane. We came to the conclusion that it was made just before he went into rehab. I did not know Nick was still doing a solo career. I have to admit, though he is not my favorite, I would definitely purchase his C.D. I did not know that Howie attempted to go solo. Of course it was only an attempt because, in my opinion, he is not a very strong performer. He sings well in the group but does not do well by himself.

Okay I went off on a little rant there. I was thinking earlier that it is nice to revisit memories that you made in your childhood. It is comforting for me to listen to my old boy band albums because I have many good memories attatched to them. I can sing almost every song. I confess as soon as an old Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, or Hanson songs comes across my IPOD I cannot help but sing at the top of my lungs. There are a few songs that I will even dance to partially. "Bye Bye Bye" comes to mind when I say this. It is impossible to listen to this song without waving bye bye bye when the chorus comes around.

I have always said that a girl's first true love is that of her favorite boy band. Okay, I know not every girl was a teeney bopper. Not every girl even liked boy bands. There were a few that managed to beat that phase. In their case their first true love is probably in whatever band they were crazy about growing up. Or maybe they just genuinely liked the music to an extent where they did not need eye candy.

I genuinely appreciate music. Everyone has a favorite song. Everyone has a favorite artist. Everyone has that go to song you put on when you are feeling down. Can you imagine a world without music? I think it would be so dull and so boring. I love relating how I am feeling to the words I hear in popular songs. There is a song for every possible feeling in the world.

Love cont.

I apologize for my blog yesterday. I had a really good post planned on in my head. However when I begin to think of my grandpa it still gets to me. He was the best grandpa in the world. He loved all his grandkids, even if he was tougher on the boys than he was on the girls.

As far as what love is, the Bible defines it the best. "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. " 1 Corinthians 13 This is the shortened version. I encourage anyone to look it up if they have questions on what love is.

I measure all of my relationships to this standard. If there is any part of the relationshop that does not match up I know it is not going to work. This verse is beautiful.

I found at a very young age that the Bible is a good book to live by. There is a lot of beautiful writings in that book. I have yet to discover half of the wonders of the Bible.

I feel as though I should be able to navigate the Bible easier than I can. It is a book that I have read through all my life.

This one book is my foundation. It is a book that will never expire. It is a book that is constantly being researched. New things are constantly discovered about Jesus.
I have a cousin who insists that the Bible should be placed in the fiction section of a book store/library. She insisted that there is no proof that the events in the Bible ever occured. Friends of mine attacked her. There has been proof that Jesus walked the Earth. There is geological proof of where he lived being that the places are still around today.

I am sorry I got off of track.

To sum up my feelings in love I rely on the Bible to define it for me. The most solid foundation of a relationship is a relationship based around Christ. To base a relationship on 1 Corinthians 13 makes for a solid relationship. It is a relationship that will last.

I have never based my relationships around sex. I will get to know someone well enough to trust them before I will even begin to think about taking that step.

Sex is very important to me. I do not take it lightly. I admit I enjoy that special connection with someone but it has to be someone that is special to me. To me, sex is someone that two people who care about each other care.

I do not expect everyone to agree with me. I do not expect everyone to follow the same guidelines I do when it comes to defining love. However I do expect the person I am in a relationship to understand where I am coming from. I expect him to always be on the same page with me. I expect us to be in sync with each others feelings.

Love.

This is going to sound like a complete cliche but love is a funny thing. It is something that no one understands and everyone yearns to have. My parents have been married for over thirty years and I bet even they would not be able to put love into concrete terms.

How do you know when you are in love? Is it that feeling of butterflies in your stomach every time you know you are going to see that special someone? Does every love song remind you of a certain someone? Does that person make you smile just by walking into the room?

It is such a complicated thing. There are so many answers to such a simple question. People answer it in so many different ways. It seems as though there is not one concrete definition. Sure there is the dictionary definition of "love." I am an English nerd though. The dictionary is not always enough. I admit it is one of my favorite resources and I refer to it constantly. I need to apply what I read to the real world and it seems damn near impossible somedays.

I see how Hollywood portrays love and, in my mind, it is completely unrealistic. People do not fall in love over a few months and decide they want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. It does not happen. If it does I am willing to bet my life that they get divorced soon after because they rushed into a marriage with a stranger. Call me cynical if you want but that would be a lie. I am a hopeless romantic trying to seek the truth to an almost foreign concept.

I have been in love before. Well, at the time I thought I was in love. I do believe that it is true that you will always care for your first love. Despite the hell that he put me through, Jeff was my first love. I know he is not a very good person. Yet I still want the best for him. I always pray that he gets his shit together and that his life will turn out okay. He is a very smart guy who wasted his intelligence on beating the system.

I love my family with all of my heart. I will always say that because it will always be true. They are always there for me. I can always turn to them when I need advice. I always have a shoulder to cry on. I always have someone to go shopping with because I need to relax before I stress out. I almost always have a home cooked meal waiting for me when I come home.

I do not tell them often enough how much I love them. Sure I say it sometimes. I am bad at showing emotion. I do not use the Love word a lot with anyone. It sounds funny to me. It sounds weird coming out of my mouth. It is as though I am emotionally detatched. I blame my father. This is the man who shows pratically no emotion. When he does it means a lot. Sure, now I get sappy.

The first time I saw him cry was at my grandpa's funeral. My grandpa was my mom's dad. To make a long story short my grandpa was more of a father than my dad's dad ever was. To see him cry, along with my grown cousins and uncles, really got to me. Seeing a grown man cry is never easy. Especially when you know they are genuine feelings and it is not a man just being a sap.

Well I have to stop this now because now I am crying thinking about it.
Good night all.

I am a nerd...

And so what? I am proud of it.

I love writing papers. I love researching. I love composing something so wonderful and receiving a good mark on it. I do not put a lot of effort into the papers that I write. I can have a normal paper written in a days time. I am not trying to brag. I am just stating the facts.

I love proofreading. I love reading what other people have to say. This helps me to see something through a different set of eyes. Everyone has an opinion and I love sharing mine with others. I love hearing others opinions of how the world works.

I cannot be closed minded. I will listen to what anyone has to say. I will read any paper that is sent my way. I am critical when I read someone else's work. I will nit pick anything and everything. I try not to be a snob but it is hard. I want to be as critical of other's essays as they would be of mine.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I struggle sometimes with essays if I get really stuck. I have turned in essays that I thought were worthy of a C at the highest and managed to score an A-. I am not bragging. Once again I am just stating the facts.

I am always looking up information online. If I do not know something I cannot rest until I do. I am constantly learning. People are constantly giving me new information to add into my head. I am like a sponge and soak up any knowledge that comes my way. Learning never gets boring for me. It is when I feel as though I have learned everything that I get restless.

This is where work comes into play. It is not fun anymore. I am at the point in my fast food life style that I have soaked up as much information as I can. I know as much as I can about Wendy's as I can without becoming a manager.

Call me a nerd. Call me a dork.

I am witty. I am intelligent. You may think I am a snob. You may think I am conceited. At times you may think I am all holier than now. I am just confident. I know what I am good at and take pride in my works. I take pride in everything I write. I take pride in learning new information. I take pride in debating. I take pride in forming valid opinions. I will admit if I do not know something. However, if I do not know it, you better bet I am going to be looking up the information online as soon as I get on my computer next.

Why?

That is just the kind of girl I am.
Take me or leave me.

Hate.

Whoa! My last post was number 100. If I had realized such I would have attempted to make it more memorable.

Hate. This is such a strong word, yet, it is thrown around so often. It is tossed around back and forth. This is possibly one of the strongest words in the American language. To hate someone or something takes way too much energy. Why waste time hating someone when you can be civil?

There is ONE person I can say that I honestly hate. ONE person who it is not worth ever trying to like again. This is someone that I do not waste energy on because I know I will never see him again in my life. If I do see him again I think I would either want to punch him in the face or throw up. That is my ex, Jeff. I have forgiven him in my heart for all that he put me through. I pray for him on a weekly basis. Yes, I pray for my enemies. Is that so bad? Yes I hate this one person in the world but can you blame me? He put me through HELL!!! I know that relationships are two way streets and they take two people to fail. This is USUALLY the case. My fault in my relationship with Jeff was I spent too much time trying to get him to confess.

I hate some things. I hate some foods. I cannot help it, I am a picky eater. I am not sure if saying I hate Wendy's or I hate pork chops is the same thing. Does it have the same effect? Does it mean the same thing to say I hate working all weekend as it does to say I hate a person? Does it have the same effect? Work does stress me out. It stresses me out a lot. Working all weekend really gets to me. I guess it does. It does take energy. It does have a negative effect on my spirit. It also closes my periferal (sorry if that is spelt wrong) vision to the world. It causes me closed minded. I recently became a lot more open minded about the foods that I eat. I came to the realization that there are a lot of foods that I always said I hated but never really tried. I would say I hated them when I was younger because they did not look appetizing. I also did not realize how intense that one word is.

Let me plan something for you.

It is gorgeous out! The skies are perfect. The temperature is perfect. Overall I would conclude that today's weather is perfect! I want to just be outside all day riding my bike all over metro Detroit.

But I can't. It is laundry day. I can go out for an hour at a time but I have to make sure that I get home in time to switch a load around. I also went to spend the day reading. I want to get sucked up into the world of Harry Potter and his crazy adventures at Hogwarts.

I could read those books over and over and over and never get sick of them. I always discover something new that I did not catch onto before. I do not know why but...

**Thought break in order to take an important phone call.**

I should be a party or event planner. I could do it. I am very organized even if my mind is quite spastic. I am able to get track of dates, call place after place to make reservations, send of invitations and all of that good stuff. I could be a wedding planner. It would take ease off of the bride and I would take the stress for her.

There are so many different careers that I would be terrific at. There are so many paths that I could follow.

Ultimately the one I choose to follow has two careers. When all is said and done I want to be able to work for myself. This is why, when I finally get a job in teaching, I am going to continue going to school. I am going to take some business classes and I am going to take some culinary classes. I want to open a bakery. I love baking too much to give it up and not make money from it. I could be amazing at it. I know I could.

I am going to open a local bakery that I allow my students to work in. I am going to have to have a manager who is trained in working with people of special needs. They will be allowed to work there for three years or so. They will be required to take a one year class so they know the basics before they are allowed to work.

This plan will give them experience that they need. It will also open up more job opportunities for people who may not have been given a chance to work in a harsh world. It will put more money in the economy because more people will be working.

I am going to have a regular staff of people that will have to be compassionate and understanding. They are going to have to understad that there will be people of special needs coming in and working for up to three years or so.

Of course the specifics are not all put in place. I am thinking it is going to be a branch of a school district but it will essentially be its own. I have time to figure out the logistics but I think this is one of my best ideas. I cannot stop thinking about it. This is all I think about these days and I honestly believe that God put this idea in my head.

He thought that if anyone needed something more to plan it was me.

I am a good planner. I am a good organizer.