Now hiring: One best friend. Requirements: Homosexual, Male

Anthony Rapp never ceases to amaze me. I tell you if he was not gay I would hunt him down so fast. Oh, who am I kidding? I want to hunt him down anyway. I am on a mission to make him straight. Okay I know it will not work but a girl can dream can't she? Can't I have my own little version of Brokeback Mountain? I admit that movie is terrible. But how terrible would it be to be married to a gay guy? Think about it. I do not think it is as crazy as it seems. You would have someone to help raise a child, (can be adopted for sanity purposes) clean, cook, decorate, you can watch ooey gooey romance movies together. You can check out guys together. At the end of the day I would still be able to go out and meet guys. I hear there are guys that are into the married woman thing. He would be able to go off and meet guys. It would all be good. Okay this makes me sound sick. Come to think of it I guess it is not as good of an idea as I thought originally. I am perfectly okay with having a gay best friend. I have never had one. They are the perfect friend for a girl for all of the reasons noted above. (Minus the marriage part) I am actively looking for a lost gay soul to take under my wing. You think I am kidding but I am far from. I found a nerd who I adore (and maybe love someday). Now I need a gay best friend. Preferably male because female gays freak me out a little if they get to close. Is that weird? I know they are not always hitting on me but it would weird me out. I am sure I sound like sort of a psychopath but I'm over it. Hey readers (who do not know me in real life) any idea what sign I am?

Girls love chick flicks, but why?

One of my weaknesses (though I have many) is a good Disney Princess movie. I am a sucker for them. Actually, I am a sucker for any good cheesey feel good movie. They all have the same formula which makes them completely predictable: 1. Boy meets girl. 2. Boy and girl cannot stand each other (This seems to be a recent development into love stories) 3. Boy and girl spill guts or are in a life threatning situation, causing them to fall in love 4. Boy and girl fall in love (If it is not Disney there is usually sex involved. If it is Disney they just share a sweet kiss) 5. Boy or girl does something to upset the other one. 6. There is a big fight. 7. They realize they cannot live without each other. 8. They live happily ever after. Broken down like that it sounds truly nauseating. Life is never that easy. You do not REALLY fall in love with someone in the matter of a few days and then marry them. But, to the hopeless romantic that I am, it is all so sweet. I can only hope that one day I will fall in love with the guy and be married. I have no idea when or where it will happen. I have a good feeling about the guy I am with now but it is still new ish. We have only been officially dating since January. We were talking in November but you know how that goes. There is always a time in a relationship when you both know it is official. It is when you know you want to be together. Hollywood has a funny way of making love seem so easy. Psh. If only that were true. Thank you Hollywood and Disney for filling my mind with fantasies that may never happen but are nice to think about.

The Cather in the Rye oh so delightful

So here I am blogging instead of being a responsible college student I am here blogging. Why? Because I am having a serious case of brain faurts. I have written four different thesises (is that the correct plural form?) for the essay and keep getting stuck. The Catcher in the Rye really is an amazing book. It is a masterpiece by all definitions possible. Who can dispute that? Jerome Salinger is brilliant! Writing an essay on the book is hard for some reason though. The thesis I am now seems to be slowly taking form. Hopefully I can finally get an A on this paper instead of another stupid stinkin' B+. I am definitely going to have someone proofread for me again. Well I am sorry to keep this short but I am going to attempt to get this essay finished so I can email it to my friend for proofreading.

Musical memories

There are those songs that you can go years without listening to and still recite every single word. They are the songs that bring you down even on your worse day.They are songs that bring you back to when everything was good. Or maybe it is the song that reminds you of a loved one that passed away. I guess that is part of the reason why a high school class has a class song. It is the one song that when everyone you graduated hears it remembers the good memories made in those four years. Then again if you do not remember your class song or if you do not care, there are others. There are songs that your friends listened to all the time. There are the songs that, when played, will be song on the top of your lungs. Of course unless you are a professional singer it usually sounds pretty terrible. But who cares? Like the Beatles said, "What would you do if I sang out of tune?" It goes without saying that that is a song that I usually prefer to sing out of tune. I guess I like to be a little ironic. When I first got my car my cousin and I would drive around a lot just because we could. If a good song would come on the radio or c.d. player we invented a little game. We would keep driving until the song ended. If arrived at the destination in the middle of the song we would drive around the block. It got to the point where I had the timing down perfectly. We could have easily put the song on pause or waited in the car until it came to an end. That was not as much fun. Now I am in bell choir at church. So often I will hear the songs we play. They do not have words that I know of. They are all notes and counts. On many Saturdays I will hear one and two and three and four and in my head repeatedly. It is never ending. But you know what? I am quite okay with it.

I have pride in a falling city, so what?

Call me an optimist. My glass is always half full. I look for the good in everyone and everything. This tendency makes me a little gullible. I always believe people are telling me the truth because I find it hard to lie. I used to be better at it but cannot seem to be good at it any longer. I guess that is a good thing. I saw a website where some photographers took pictures of the worse parts of Detroit. It is called "Ruins of Detroit." I tried to put the link in here but for some reason it did not work. It comes right up when you Google it. The buildings are depressing. I can see that there was one point in time when they were magnificant and beautiful. I can see how majestically they once stood in Detroit. The city that used to be one of the best in the world is slowly falling apart. The crime rate is falling but so is the population. Crime is not going down because people are being nice to each other. Instead it is falling because people are moving out of the city and into the suburbs. Bring trash into the suburbs? Yeah, that sounds like a plan to me. Okay so that makes me sound racist which I am far from. I am not giving up on Detroit. I do not think I will ever give up on Detroit. I love Detroit. I believe that someday the problems will be solved and many magnificant buildings will stand again. Of course it is going to take a lot of time. There is a lot of work to be done. However it is a great city and I will always believe in it. Next time someone says something negitive about the wonderful and amazing city that I grew up just outside of, I am going to have some words...

I was walking down the street the other day and I met an interesting fellow. I had been waiting for a long time to meet Christian. I saw him always walking past my house and felt the need to get in touch with him. His personality intrigued me but I was unable to determine why. I knew the only way to determine my desire was to introduce myself. Somehow I was correct on his name. Then again I faintly remember his mom yelling out to him some odd years ago when they first moved in. She was always yelling. His mom was ALWAYS yelling. I do not know why but I thought she was a very angry lady. She definitely did not come off as friendly. Who yells so much afterall? From the first approach Christian comes off as rude. He is not the most open when it comes to sharing emotions. It is the mystery that makes girls want to know more.
*More about this character that I am trying to develop.*

Ugh.

I need to stay isolated. When I make contact with people I get myself in trouble. I have a serious problem of diahrreah of the mouth. Words come to my head and immediately out my mouth. It gets me in trouble on way too many counts. Then I get mad at myself because I say things that I regret. I need to turn on my brain filter. I just do not know how.

Coloring

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE coloring? I just recently purchased a Disney princess coloring book. You can color the pictures with any color that you want. I can make Belle's dress red if I want. I can make her skin purple. I can let my imagination go wild.

television

There is a show called "How I met your mother." Maybe you have heard of it. I am terribly addicted to it. I downloaded the first season and realized how funny it was. I feel like someday I am going to have to tell my kids how I met my husband. Of course the husband is not figured out yet and there is a few years before I have kids. All of that is irrelevant. History is important. How things happened and why things happened. It is important. By knowing history we can attempt to fix errors in advance.

I cannot help but wonder about the guy I saw walking on the street the other day. He seemed intriguing and I wanted to know more about him. In my mind I was already forming his story which is probably far more interesting than the truth.

Here is the story that I formed. Only time can tell if I will ever find the truth. His name is Christian. It is ironic really because he is against all organized forms of religion. He believes in a higher power but prefers to worship on his own time and in his own way. His parents gave him the name in hopes that he would be what they had determined a good citizen. They were those crazy Lutherans that went to church every week and every holiday. What he did not understand was how someone who could go to church so much could be so far off from the true values of religion. His parents partied every weekend with other members of the congregation. They were Christians on Sundays but the rest of the days were irrelevant. It did not occur them that Jesus was always watching, even if the pastor preached it constantly.

Christian grew up despising organized religion but prayed every night to God. He led a moral life. I cannot say that he never sinned because we all know that is not true. Everyone sins. He understands that his sins are forgiven by this higher power.

In high school he would not attend the club that supported Christianity but was often found praying before he ate his meal. When he was invited, he simply declined and said he would never be up in time to make it. All of his free time was spent doing community service. He barely passed high school because it was not a priority for him.

When he had to barrow money or ask for a favor he did it regretably. Why should someone have to help him out when there are people who are far worse off? He would pay forward any favors received, a concept he got from a movie he watched in his communications class. Christian did not communicate very much with people of his generation. He did not understand why they were so needy. He used his time to help others, why can't they? He thought of his generation as ungrateful for what generations have endured in the past.

Christian read everything he could get his hands on. It was the only activity that he enjoyed doing. Even when his parents were loud after getting drunk he was able to visit worlds that he never would be able to see.

**Okay so this is the start of the story and these are only ideas of the outline of a character. What do you think?**

This guy

I see this guy a few days a week. He comes into my work and orders a double burger with only lettuce, tomato, onion and mustard...NO CHEESE. The will also get either a potato or a salad along with a chili or a nugget with honey (well honey mustard but he only orders honey). To drink he orders a Large Iced tea with no sugar or lemon. Okay I know those details may seem irrelavant. If they are then how can I remember his order so vividly? I also know a lady who orders a half apple salad and a small chili. She does not get the dressing because she puts the chili on the salad. Half the time she forgets but she eats the salad without the cheese. We had to remind her. Sometimes she will get a full salad with one dressing and again no cheese. These are people that I see sometimes more than my family in a week period. I do not know them intimately but I know part of their eating habits. Food is a huge foundation in my life. I think it is in everyone's life. It makes for good discussion. It comforts me. I eat it when I am stressed and become relaxed. Food has a story behind it. Why does the double burger guy always come into Wendy's? Why is it that he chooses that particular place to eat when there is a McDonald's right next door? Why does the lady with the salad always get less dressing? People meet at restuarants for fellowship. Friends go out to lunch to catch up and spend some time together. A cliche date involves going to dinner and a movie. Food brings people together in ways that nothing else can. It is crazy. I love baking. I do not eat what I bake all the time because then I would be like 1,000 lbs. However I enjoy baking. I enjoy sharing what I create with others. I know they enjoy it too. (^_^) This all sounds like mumble jumble but I hope you all understand what I am trying to say.

I am up for the real challenge.

I am going to give up Facebook for Lent. It is going to be hard because I am addicted to it beyond belief. I feel that by giving it up I am going to have so much extra time on my hands. Whatever will I do with myself? Well, I am going to read a book that Jeremy gave me to read. I am going to read a lot of books. I am going to watch movies. I am going to do some cleaning and cooking. I am going to focus on school so that I achieve good marks on my last semester at Macomb. I am going to be busy and hope that I do not fall back into the Facebook vortex.

This is big. It is getting intense. I have an essay that is not due until two weeks from Friday. I have it mostly written and ready to go. It is a page short so obviously I have some editing that I need to do but I am proud of myself. I feel accomplished. Now if I could only find a new job I would be all set....

hm..

I am a genius. It amazes me the amazing ideas I come up with sometimes.

Yeah uh huh

Hey you. I am done with you. Please leave me alone if you have nothing nice to say. Of course I am not going to say how I truly feel when I am at work. If you are not going to be nice then I do not want anything to do with you. Please please just leave me alone.